Dr. Yes's 11-Point Sacred Spiritual Path to Your Soul's Enlightenment at Burning Man, and Everything Bagel Recipe
A couple years ago around this time, I remember reading an article by Caveat Magister about his reflections on 10 years at Burning Man and thinking to myself, "I know nothing yet, but in two years, I will have so much to share."
Having been to Burning Man ten times now myself, we can all agree that I've achieved transcendental enlightenment and it's time for you to sit down, be quiet, and try to appreciate everything I've learned.
I mean, seriously, ten times on the playa! Legends are told of holy men who sat in meditation for 25 years in a cave on a the side of a mountain somewhere, but I've been to That Thing In The Desert ten times, which is at least as enlightening, surely.
I don't want to compare myself to Jesus, because I am the most humble person ever to walk this Earth (sorry Carmen), but it would be appropriate for you, dear reader, to make that comparison for me. Here, I'll help:
Am I better than Jesus? Probably, and I particularly want to emphasize that I've been to Burning Man ten times and you haven't. Unless you have....but none of those count as you were probably burning wrong anyway, since you lacked the wisdom my ten years have clearly bestowed upon me.
I'm about to drop my priceless knowledge upon you. Are you sitting comfortably? Have you recently evacuated your bowels? Wearing loose-fitting clothing? Good.
Now, I want you to picture me up on a pedestal, a nimbus of white light emanating from my enlightened soul, as I look down upon you, poor non-10 year burner, and prepare to dispense the wisdom of the ages (or, in this case the wisdom of the decade since I have, as I may have mentioned, attended Burning Man 10 times. That's "dieci" in Italian.)
Are you sure you're ready? This is heavy stuff, as befits my ten year burner status. If you're a birgin, you should probably shut your eyes while you read this.
I'm only giving you one last chance. This is the kind of wisdom that could drive you to madness. It's that beautiful, that meaningful, that goddam spiritual. 10 year Burner spiritual. Your life is about to change. If there are small children in the room, please ask them to vacate. Decade-long burner about to lay it down.
Dr. Yes's 11 Point 10 Year 9-Fold Sacred Spiritual Crystal-Infused Wisdom On How To Walk The Enlightened Soul Path At Burning Man, and 8-Ingredient Everything Bagel Recipe
And so, unenlightened readers (who are slightly less unenlightened than before), I believe I've given you much to consider. I trust you will treat the wisdom this ten-year Burner bestows upon you with all the respect and consideration it deserves.
And with that I have probably said all that needs saying. I will leave you with a hearty....
(Bagel recipe? That's just there for SEO. Go ask the playa. I understand it provides.)
I'm Dr. Yes, a 10 year burner. I run this site, was on the '15 Temple team, lead a theme camp called Friendgasm, and make Burning Man videos. Just say yes, folks, and help keep Burning Man weird!